The action of the drama is set in and around a small village in central Italy.
Act One: Tuesday 7th August. At one o'clock Pat picks up Matthew and Charlie and Candy and Quinn from Ancona. They had been waiting there since just after ten, their flight having left Stansted at 6.55 not 9.50 as their parents had assumed. The odyssean pattern established in the first act will reveal its full horror in Act Two.
Act Two: Wednesday 8th August.
The family gather at three on the panoramic terrace to greet James, Gabriele, Ruby and Olly who are expected to arrive between 3 and 3.30, their plane having landed at Ancona shortly after one. After two hours Godot has still not arrived. Around six they receive a desperate phone call from Perugia. It transpires an idiot at Ancona has directed James to Montefalco in Umbria rather than Montefalcone Appennino in Marche. The lost sheep are given directions to Pedaso. At 11 they ring from Pedaso. Pat tells them to station themselves in the central piazza of Pedaso and Jim and Matthew will pilot them to Montefalcone. At midnight they finally arrive.
Act Three: Thursday 9th August.
Apart from Pat, who stayed behind to walk the dogs, the family spent the afternoon on the beach at Pedaso. In the evening they held a barbecue in the courtyard.
Act Two: Wednesday 8th August.
The family gather at three on the panoramic terrace to greet James, Gabriele, Ruby and Olly who are expected to arrive between 3 and 3.30, their plane having landed at Ancona shortly after one. After two hours Godot has still not arrived. Around six they receive a desperate phone call from Perugia. It transpires an idiot at Ancona has directed James to Montefalco in Umbria rather than Montefalcone Appennino in Marche. The lost sheep are given directions to Pedaso. At 11 they ring from Pedaso. Pat tells them to station themselves in the central piazza of Pedaso and Jim and Matthew will pilot them to Montefalcone. At midnight they finally arrive.
Act Three: Thursday 9th August.
Apart from Pat, who stayed behind to walk the dogs, the family spent the afternoon on the beach at Pedaso. In the evening they held a barbecue in the courtyard.
Act Four: Friday 10th August.
Pat drives Matthew and Charlie to Ancona from whence they are flown to exile in a rain-swept chilly island off the north coast of Europe. In the evening the remaining members went for Pizza in the Piazza - in reality held in the Tronelli Gardens - accompanied by live music.
Act Five: Saturday 11th August.
Pat drives Matthew and Charlie to Ancona from whence they are flown to exile in a rain-swept chilly island off the north coast of Europe. In the evening the remaining members went for Pizza in the Piazza - in reality held in the Tronelli Gardens - accompanied by live music.
Act Five: Saturday 11th August.
The family drove in convoy to Ascoli Piceno. After everyone had toured the cathedral where Ruby lit a candle for Cathy, Pat and Gabriele and Olly and Quinn visited the art gallery whilst Candy and Ruby went shopping and Jim gave James a swift tour of the town's major sites. Everyone met up for drinks at the Caffe Meletti before Pat and Gabriele went to see the Modigliani exhibition in the Palazzo dei Capitani whilst the rest of the family had lunch.
In the afternoon they visited the Lake of San Ruffino and James, Candy and the children took a pedalo ride across the lake.
In a comic masterstroke worthy of Shakespeare, whilst preparing supper Jim is attacked by a jar of passato which leaping from the fridge splatters the kitchen walls and furniture and leaves him with an apparently bloody leg.
Act Six: Sunday 12th August.
In the morning the children watch a DVD of their father in Dalkeith. Ruby and Olly are particularly keen to see James snogging another woman. Jim, James and Gabriele have lunch at il Tiglio whilst Pat and Candy look after the children. In the evening James cooks a much appreciated bolognese for the children.
Act Seven: Monday 13th August.
Act Eight: Tuesday 14th August.
A quiet day prior to James, Gabriele. Ruby and Oliver's departure for Venice. In the evening a farewell meal at the Taverna in Santa Vittoria.
Act Nine: Ferragosto.
Early in the morning James, Gabriele. Ruby and Oliver set off for Ancona, and from there by train to Venice. This time the satnav is working and they reach Ancona without a detour to Perugia.
In the afternoon Pat, Jim, Candy and Quinn go swimming at Marina di Altidona. Pat cooks chicken fajitas for supper.
Act Ten: Thursday 16th August.
Lunch at the Faro restaurant on Pedaso beach, followed by affogati at a gelateria and a swim at Marina di Altidona. Jim almost drowns trying to retrieve Quinn's inflatable baseball bat.
Eleventh and Final Act: 17th August.
Candy and Quinn are driven to Ancona to begin their journey into exile in the Fenland Penal Colony.
