Thursday, November 29, 2012
Pants!
The word 'pants', as any fule kno, is one of the many examples of the UK and the US being divided by their common language. In America the word signifies 'trousers'; in England what we wear underneath them. I used to be puzzled by the fact that in American English the word can also be used as a pejorative term e.g. 'your phone is pants'. I no longer am.
A couple of years ago Sophy bought me some Pierre Cardin underpants for Christmas. They were admirable garments in almost every respect: boxers with lycra, my preferred style of underwear. Unfortunately they had a fatal flaw: no flies. One of the many advantages of being male is not having to get undressed every time you want a pee. No long queues in public lavatories for us chaps; no problem either when you're caught short on a country walk. And now, I raged, before throwing them into a drawer for redundant clothes, some buffoon has decided to discard centuries of collective wisdom in order to make a fashion statement. Alas, two years on I have discovered the problem is much greater than even my worst nightmares would have led me to believe. To explain.
One of the unfortunate consequences of my recent encounter with the widder-woman was leaving a week's supply of underwear in the UK. This meant I had to fish out the Pierre Cardin pants from the reject drawer. It also meant I had to buy more underwear. And this is when I made my terrible discovery: in the whole of the Girasole shopping centre not a single outlet sold cotton and lycra boxers with flies. The cheap unknown labels had joined their upmarket cousins in this sartorial lunacy. And at last I appreciated our transatlantic cousins' linguistic wisdom: nowadays:
Pants ARE pants!
Friday, November 23, 2012
… trains and … planes …
On Saturday I returned from a trip I'd made to the UK to attend the OEs' Bristol dinner and to visit Candy and Quinn.
I'm in rather better physical shape than either my Bristol host, Sam Jefferies - he's been recently diagnosed with Deep Vein Thrombosis - or Sam's other guest, Eccles Vincent, who's recently had a triple heart by-pass. However, as a quick glance at my vacant stare in the photo at the top of the page will confirm, the same cannot be said for my mental state.
I don't normally talk to my fellow travellers on planes or trains but was given little choice on the second leg of my journey from Bristol to March. Having changed trains at Birmingham I sat next to a student bound for Cambridge and opposite a man in his forties. As soon as I was seated he said, "Why has your hair got no colour?"
"Because I'm old," I replied. "Yours'll be the same when you reach my age."
"I don't think so," he replied in a Dublin accent. He was drunk, but not aggressively so, and over the next half an hour or so his life-story emerged. He'd been taken into care at 12, had been living rough for the past five years and had seen the inside of a large number of English and Irish gaols. On Friday he'd been released from Gloucester prison. On Sunday he was arrested in Cheltenham for being drunk and disorderly. Having spent the night in the cells, the magistrate before whom he'd appeared had given him a train ticket to Corby where he had some acquaintances. I learned we shared a christian name and a religion. I didn't begrudge giving him the pound he solicited before he changed trains at Leicester. Neither did the student sitting next to me. Despite his frequent profanities, a well-spoken elderly woman sitting across the aisle gave him some cash without being asked. He didn't pretend to be anything other than a irredeemable alcoholic or ask for pity, but he certainly evoked it.
Having had one conversation on a train I made the fatal mistake of having a second. After a pleasant few days with Candy and Quinn - I saw Richard and Jane on Tuesday morning who gave me lunch; Matthew and Charley came to Candy's for dinner the same evening;
on Thursday evening Candy, Quinn and I had dinner at the Crown; and on Friday morning I went round to see Linda and Shen - Candy took me to Downham station early on Saturday morning. I began chatting to a woman in her sixties on the platform and, having carried her suitcase onto the train bound for King's Cross and stowed my own safely in the luggage-rack, we carried on our conversation. Widowed the same year that Pat and I moved to Italy, she was on her way to spend one of her twice yearly holidays with her son who had moved to Florida a couple of weeks before his father's unexpected death. Gathering up my hat, scarf and man-bag I bade her farewell at Cambridge where I had to change trains for Stansted. Strolling down the platform and eyeing the closed refreshment kiosks - it was still only 6.30 - I was brought up short by the tannoy warning passengers to keep their luggage with them at all times. With a sickening feeling I realised that mine was heading for King's Cross, snugly ensconced in the luggage rack where I'd left it.
Fortunately my 'moment of madness' had a happy outcome. Cambridge Station 'Communication Centre' rang King's Cross who phoned Candy when they'd retrieved the case. When Shen returned from visiting his mother in London he brought my case back with him and Pat will bring it home in early December. But I strongly advise my elderly readers to avoid engaging widder-wimmin in conversation when travelling by public transport; instead focus your few remaining mental powers on remembering to take your luggage with you when you alight!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
The Courtyard Circular: October 2012
Tuesday 2nd.
Picked up John and Judy at Comunanza bus station to take them to their home in the Faveto. They had flown to Rome and made the rest of their way via bus and taxi.
Wednesday 3rd - Saturday 6th.
Spent a very enjoyable few days as Peppe and Angiola's guest in Senigallia.
3rd Visited Senigallia's castle in the afternoon.
4th In the morning went out on Peppe's boat with Peppe and Angiola, Massimo and Augosto. I took the helm for a while.
In the afternoon Peppe and I visited Pio Nono's birthplace. In the evening we went to the Pesce Azzurro restaurant in Fano with Massimo and his wife, Uliana.
5th After lunch we went to Ancona and visited Trajan's Arch (see head picture), the Archæological museum and the cathedral.
6th In the morning went with Peppe to the Palazzo Pianetti
in Jesi via Massimo's country house
and Ostra.
Lunch at Peppe's house with his son and daughter-in-law and their daughter and his daughter, Giovanna, and her two daughters. In the evening I went to Ancona airport to meet Pat back from her visit to Candy and Quinn.
in Jesi via Massimo's country house
and Ostra.
Lunch at Peppe's house with his son and daughter-in-law and their daughter and his daughter, Giovanna, and her two daughters. In the evening I went to Ancona airport to meet Pat back from her visit to Candy and Quinn.
Thursday 11th
Supper at Jane's with Peppe and Angiola.
Friday 12th.
Peppe and Angiola and Tony and Shona came to supper.
Saturday and Sunday 13th &14th.
Montefalcone's annual Sagra dell'Autunno. Despite a dire weather forecast, it turned out dry and fairly sunny unlike the previous year.
Monday 15th.
Dinner at the Taverna in Santa Vittoria as Tony and Shona's guests.
Tuesday 16th
Lunch at Jane's with Tony and Shona. They returned to the UK the following day.
Friday 19th.
Jane came to supper, was very appreciative of Pat's curry. She returned to the UK the following Monday.
Sunday 21st.
Went to Smerillo's annual Castagne in the Piazza.
Wednesday 24th.
Visited Glyn at his home in Monte Rinaldo in afternoon. Went with him to the Taverna in evening.
Monday 29th.
Lit fire for the first time since last Spring
Tuesday 30th.
Snow appeared overnight on the Sibillini mountains. Winter has definitely arrived.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
The Courtyard Circular: September 2012
Wednesday 5th: To a concert of Bel Canto at Villa Vinci with Jane and her house guest, Don.
Wednesday 12th: To Pedaso for the final swim of the season.
Thursday 13th: Glyn and Jane came to supper.
Saturday 15th: Pat went off to the UK to look after Quinn. She will return on the 6th October.
Sunday 16th: Our neighbour, Polonio, held an afternoon party in the Tronelli Gardens to celebrate the sixtieth anniversary of his arrival in Montefalcone. Click here for a video of the event. Sadly, one of the guests, Mario Valentino, died last week when his hairdryer electrocuted him! I'm glad I've always stuck to using a bath towel.
Thursday 20th: To Lupo's with Glyn and Jane.
Saturday 29th: To Peppe and Angiola's for supper.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Shedding of shorts.
Today we have shedding of shorts. Yesterday,
We had nocturnal drizzle. And next month,
We shall have lighting of fires. But today,
Today we have shedding of shorts. The ocean
Glisten'd like jade, beyond all of the basking bodies,
And today we have shedding of shorts.
[With apologies to Henry Reed]
The temperature in Montefalcone was 28 yesterday and 30 in Pedaso where we spent the day on the beach. However yesterday evening it began raining and today the temperature has dropped to 15. Summer's finally over and I've consequently discarded shorts and sandals in favour of jeans and shoes. A wrench because, apart from my visit to England in July and a couple of days last week when it rained, I've worn shorts every day since June 7th.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Butterflies, Language and Crime
Last week I read Bel Canto by Ann Patchett and ended up feeling like Ray Bradbury's Eckels, just back from his holiday, staring at the sign in Time Safari's office.
Previously I'd been reading nothing but crime fiction. Dave had introduced me to Jo Nesbo and Fred Vargas and I thoroughly enjoyed both of the books he lent me: Nesbo's The Redbreast and Vargas's Have Mercy on Us All. He told me that like Camelleri's Montalbano novels Vargas's should ideally be read in sequence as there is a developing thread connecting them - in the case of Commissaire Adamsberg his relationship with his occasional lover Camille. So I began with The Chalk Circle Man. which I found entertaining but far less interesting than Have Mercy on Us All. I read the next book in the sequence - Seeking Whom He May Devour - hoping to confirm the obvious explanation that Vargas's skills improved with time. At first, to my consternation, I found this book rather tedious, possibly because Adamsberg hardly features in it until half way through. I also had problems with the translator, David Bellos, choosing to give the book a new title rather than simply translating its original: L'Homme à l'envers. The book centres on a homicidal wolf, and in the AV's translation of Peter's first epistle 'seeking whom he may devour' refers to a lion not a wolf. Although Bellos puts the phrase into the mouths of characters in the novel I doubt that the French original used an instantly recognisable allusion to the Petrine epistle. The original title, on the other hand, neatly encapsulates both the novel's central motif, lycanthropia, and the dual nature of the murderer. That aside, once Adamsberg took centre-stage things improved enormously so I'll probably buy the next in the series: Wash This Blood Clean from My Hand.
This year's offering by Camilleri, Una lama di luce, was a distinct improvement on the last few books. Once again Montalbano was playing Mike Tucker to an intelligent version of Vicky but this time he ended the relationship because he'd come to terms with the reality of his life:
E ora sapiva finalmenti quello che doviva fari. Con la sò morti, François ligava lui a Livia e Livia a lui chiossà d'essere maritati.
…Quella stissa sira, alle novi, Marian tuppiò a longo a 'na porta che non sapiva che non le sarebbi stata mai cchiù aperta.
And now he finally knew what he had to do. François [a boy he'd once been going to adopt] had bound him to Livia [his long term partner] with his death more than if they were married.
… At nine the same evening Marian [the younger woman] knocked at the door for a long time, unaware that it would never again be opened.
Having overdosed on gialli, I thought that it was time to take a break from crime fiction and read a 'proper' novel again. Bel Canto was one of the books we'd inherited from Laurie when she sold her house in Italy, and I was encouraged to read it by an article in the Corriere which, starting from the absurd premise that women are incapable of writing great fiction, listed Ann Patchett as a case in point. Alas the novel didn't reveal her to be another Jane Austen, Virginia Woolf or Margaret Atwood, let alone an Emily Brontë. Nor had I escaped the world of crime.
The action of the novel takes place in the official residence of the Vice-President of an unidentified South American country where a birthday party for a Japanese industrialist is being hosted. A passionate opera-lover, he has been persuaded to come to South America because the world's leading soprano has been engaged to sing at the party. The party is interrupted by the violent incursion of a band of rather inept terrorists who hold the guests hostage for several months. Gradually the individual personalities of the guests and terrorists emerge and a variety of relationships develop between them. Most importantly, the Japanese businessman, Mr Hosokawa - we never learn his first name - and the American diva, Roxanne Coss, fall in love; as do his interpreter Gen Watanabe and a female terrorist, Carmen. The setting and the characterisation are handled well, but the ending is lame. Although one could justify it structurally the author fails to make it feel authentic and a great writer must do both. I'd had problems with the novel's authenticity earlier. The guests and terrorists come from a variety of linguistic communities and are consequently heavily dependent on Gen's services. The narrator comments that some have a smattering of languages other than their own and offers the Italians' knowledge of schoolboy French as an example. The problem is that whilst it is true that Italians learn French at school, anyone who has lived in Italy will know that most Italians have little difficulty in understanding Spanish - the language of the terrorists. A fact which completely escapes Ann Patchett, and a major blunder for a novel which is centred on exploring the relationship between language and life. I thought that I'd detected another problem in the novel's understanding of language. A priest is described as 'performing' sacraments rather than celebrating them, and giving a dying man 'viaticum' rather than the viaticum. I assumed that this would be due to the author being protestant and consequently being as unfamiliar with catholic terminology as she was with Italian culture. Wrong: she had a catholic education. I then assumed that this was an American usage cognate with their calling maths 'math' and sport 'sports'. Wrong again. Consulting the current catholic catechism revealed that the viaticum has dropped the definite article throughout the English-speaking world. The reason for my confusion was that I had stopped practising my religion in England since the early seventies, only returning to it when we moved to Italy. Although, like every language, English is in a constant state of flux, when you live in the middle of the river you're caught up by its movement and are carried along by it. 'Train station' replacing railway station and 'bored of' supplanting bored by are both deplored by us elderly pedants, but they no longer strike us as odd, only regrettable. However, by losing contact with the language of English catholicism for forty years the changes struck me forcefully. By abandoning catholicism, like Eckles I had stepped on a butterfly.
This Wednesday Pat and I went with Jane and her house-guest, Don, to a concert at Villa Vinci: '"Primadonna" La tradizione del Belcanto'. In Ann Patchett's novel the soprano was a white American and her accompanist Japanese. Villa Vinci is even more sumptuous than the her fictional Vice-President's residence. In a mirror image of the novel, the soprano - Hiroko Morita - was Japanese and her accompanist, Roberto Galletto, white. Fortunately no terrorists emerged from the central heating ducts. But the butterfly put in an appearance: Miss Morita's final aria was Un bel di vedremmo!
Monday, August 20, 2012
The Family Reunion
The action of the drama is set in and around a small village in central Italy.
Act One: Tuesday 7th August. At one o'clock Pat picks up Matthew and Charlie and Candy and Quinn from Ancona. They had been waiting there since just after ten, their flight having left Stansted at 6.55 not 9.50 as their parents had assumed. The odyssean pattern established in the first act will reveal its full horror in Act Two.
Act Two: Wednesday 8th August.
The family gather at three on the panoramic terrace to greet James, Gabriele, Ruby and Olly who are expected to arrive between 3 and 3.30, their plane having landed at Ancona shortly after one. After two hours Godot has still not arrived. Around six they receive a desperate phone call from Perugia. It transpires an idiot at Ancona has directed James to Montefalco in Umbria rather than Montefalcone Appennino in Marche. The lost sheep are given directions to Pedaso. At 11 they ring from Pedaso. Pat tells them to station themselves in the central piazza of Pedaso and Jim and Matthew will pilot them to Montefalcone. At midnight they finally arrive.
Act Three: Thursday 9th August.
Apart from Pat, who stayed behind to walk the dogs, the family spent the afternoon on the beach at Pedaso. In the evening they held a barbecue in the courtyard.
Act Two: Wednesday 8th August.
The family gather at three on the panoramic terrace to greet James, Gabriele, Ruby and Olly who are expected to arrive between 3 and 3.30, their plane having landed at Ancona shortly after one. After two hours Godot has still not arrived. Around six they receive a desperate phone call from Perugia. It transpires an idiot at Ancona has directed James to Montefalco in Umbria rather than Montefalcone Appennino in Marche. The lost sheep are given directions to Pedaso. At 11 they ring from Pedaso. Pat tells them to station themselves in the central piazza of Pedaso and Jim and Matthew will pilot them to Montefalcone. At midnight they finally arrive.
Act Three: Thursday 9th August.
Apart from Pat, who stayed behind to walk the dogs, the family spent the afternoon on the beach at Pedaso. In the evening they held a barbecue in the courtyard.
Act Four: Friday 10th August.
Pat drives Matthew and Charlie to Ancona from whence they are flown to exile in a rain-swept chilly island off the north coast of Europe. In the evening the remaining members went for Pizza in the Piazza - in reality held in the Tronelli Gardens - accompanied by live music.
Act Five: Saturday 11th August.
Pat drives Matthew and Charlie to Ancona from whence they are flown to exile in a rain-swept chilly island off the north coast of Europe. In the evening the remaining members went for Pizza in the Piazza - in reality held in the Tronelli Gardens - accompanied by live music.
Act Five: Saturday 11th August.
The family drove in convoy to Ascoli Piceno. After everyone had toured the cathedral where Ruby lit a candle for Cathy, Pat and Gabriele and Olly and Quinn visited the art gallery whilst Candy and Ruby went shopping and Jim gave James a swift tour of the town's major sites. Everyone met up for drinks at the Caffe Meletti before Pat and Gabriele went to see the Modigliani exhibition in the Palazzo dei Capitani whilst the rest of the family had lunch.
In the afternoon they visited the Lake of San Ruffino and James, Candy and the children took a pedalo ride across the lake.
In a comic masterstroke worthy of Shakespeare, whilst preparing supper Jim is attacked by a jar of passato which leaping from the fridge splatters the kitchen walls and furniture and leaves him with an apparently bloody leg.
Act Six: Sunday 12th August.
In the morning the children watch a DVD of their father in Dalkeith. Ruby and Olly are particularly keen to see James snogging another woman. Jim, James and Gabriele have lunch at il Tiglio whilst Pat and Candy look after the children. In the evening James cooks a much appreciated bolognese for the children.
Act Seven: Monday 13th August.
Act Eight: Tuesday 14th August.
A quiet day prior to James, Gabriele. Ruby and Oliver's departure for Venice. In the evening a farewell meal at the Taverna in Santa Vittoria.
Act Nine: Ferragosto.
Early in the morning James, Gabriele. Ruby and Oliver set off for Ancona, and from there by train to Venice. This time the satnav is working and they reach Ancona without a detour to Perugia.
In the afternoon Pat, Jim, Candy and Quinn go swimming at Marina di Altidona. Pat cooks chicken fajitas for supper.
Act Ten: Thursday 16th August.
Lunch at the Faro restaurant on Pedaso beach, followed by affogati at a gelateria and a swim at Marina di Altidona. Jim almost drowns trying to retrieve Quinn's inflatable baseball bat.
Eleventh and Final Act: 17th August.
Candy and Quinn are driven to Ancona to begin their journey into exile in the Fenland Penal Colony.
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