L’amicizia è fiducia e calma, l’amore una rischiosa fatica.

I was reading today’s Corriere della sera this afternoon whilst filling the water tank in the kitchen garden. The article below struck my fancy: it’s basically an elaboration of James Duffy’s reflections on friendship in A Painful Case. The reader may disagree, reminding me that Duffy wrote that love between men is impossible because there must not be sexual intercourse whereas Alberoni ends his article by saying ‘L’amicizia … è amore.[Friendship … is love]’ Duffy’s lack of awareness of homosexual passion is a side issue, irrelevant to the present discussion. There is no real  difference between Duffy and Alberoni, merely one of semantics. Alberoni is talking about caritas as the Romans called it - ‘la componente morale, spirituale’ -, or ‘love celestiall’ in Middle English; Duffy about amor or what Chaucer called ‘love of kynde’. Unfortunately, in modern English we only have the one word ‘love’ to express two very different states. Blake defines them vividly in The Clod and the Pebble:

                                                                                                                                                                                                              "Love seeketh not itself to please,

Nor for itself hath any care,

But for another gives its ease,

And builds a heaven in hell's despair."

So sung a little Clod of Clay,

Trodden with the cattle's feet,

But a Pebble of the brook

Warbled out these metres meet:

"Love seeketh only Self to please,

To bind another to its delight,

Joys in another's loss of ease,

And builds a hell in heaven's despite."

   The Corriere is an excellent sheet, rather like an Italian Guardian. It’s left leaning though, like the Guardian, at too oblique an angle. Unlike the Guardian it refuses to provide a platform for the stupidity of the Europhobes. Although the Guardian is pro-EU, its liberal principles compel it to occasionally give space to the antis, This is about as justifiable as giving column inches to paedophiles. Worse perhaps. In his sick mind the child-molester thinks he doing no harm. The intelligent EU baiter, as opposed to those he misleads, is consciously betraying his country - encouraging it to reject the only path which can save it from sliding into third world impotence. But strong governments are not in the interests of the global companies to whom these ‘patriotic’ pebbles of the brook owe their real allegiance.

*_“Friendship is reliable and tranquil; love a hazardous labour. 

It’s a great thing to bump into a friend when you’re alone, when you’re troubled, when you have an important decision to make. By George, seeing him coming towards you smiling brightens up your day. Neither of you is effusive [unless you’re American], only a quick hug [or a handshake if you’re British] but your spirits lift. 

    You can be frank, saying anything you like, without having to worry or feel ashamed, knowing that he understands you, is on your side, and if you need something he’s already worked out what it is. Your friend won’t ask embarrassing questions, nor say something annoying. You can chat or be quiet, stop or hurry on. Not only that, if you haven’t seen each other for ages he won’t subject you to an interrogation about where you’ve been or what you’ve been up to. For friends time doesn’t exist, when you meet up it’s as if you’re merely  picking up the thread of a conversation, even after twenty years. You can talk about what’s in your heart and he will listen to you. You won’t have to make any effort. 

   Love - erotic passion - is a completely different kettle of fish. Lovers are fascinated - indeed obsessed - by each other’a past and even after the briefest of separations they want to know everything you’ve done or thought in the meantime. And they spend all their time talking about themselves, exploring the mysterious way the two of them have been recreated as a single entity. Friendship, however, helps us to be ourselves, to be unique. With our friend we talk about our own individual pasts our own individual futures not those of our friendship. Friendship is a given, not a problem. It was already like that when you were five: your bosom pal was the one you trusted, to whom you confided your secrets knowing he’d never betray you.

   But love was risky even then: the boy or girl you loved could say no, change their mind, reject you. Children and adolescents are often jealous because their friend is part of their daily life. But that’s not the case for adults. Lovers are like it because they want to be loved exclusively and suffer when they are separated because they need physical contact with the beloved. Your friend, on the other hand, has his own life, those he loves, other friends whom you may not even know. Because of that you can leave when you want to, go where you like with whom you like and remain far apart without either of you suffering for it. The important thing is that he remembers you, wishes you well, and that he opens his arms to you when you call. Friendship is affection, yes in a way it’s love, but love which simply lifts the spirits.”