Diamond Geezers.

I was delighted to read last week that Bob Diamond agrees with my analysis of what motivates CEOs: power rather than money. However, as he has no intention of handing back his ill-gotten gains, it merely demonstrates that although we don't need to pay them silly money, the greedy swine will trouser as much of it as they can persuade their corporate shareholders to give them.

   And he's not the only diamond-geezer to have made the headlines last week. I was astonished to read that Marina Hyde would happily have a pint with Nigel Farage because the other party leaders are 'pompous arses' whilst he doesn't take himself 'too seriously'. Personally, I find his perpetual smirk - the visual equivalent of William Haig's voice - merely makes me want to punch him.

  And silly people aren't harmless. I was told by a German colleague that Hitler had a rather comic accent. Since then I've imagined him announcing in a Brummy voice: "Roight, wheam gowin' to invoid Powland." Somehow, though, that doesn't make the consequent slaughter and mass-murder any less sickening.

   I doubt that Marina would want to have a drink with Nigel's Italian equivalent, the potty-mouthed Beppe Grillo:

if she dared to disagree with him he'd probably bite her. Or with many of the other rather unsavoury types who lead the anti-EU movements in their respective countries. Unlike Ukip voters, in Greece, Holland and Hungary the racists have come out of the closet.

 
   Meanwhile jolly Nigel, in Cameron's apt definition the leader of the 'fruit cakes and closet racists' - how surprising, incidentally, that the product of an ancient boarding school, where he was made to dress up in silly clothes every day, should have said something sensible for once - has declared that his movement will allow Britain to control its own destiny again.

   I'm not too sure how seceding from the EU will loosen Murdoch's, or globalised finance's grip on the politicians, but perhaps that's not what Nigel meant. Not having a nigger or a pollack as a neighbour's probably nearer the mark. I just hope the deluded souls who voted for him in probable ignorance of Ukip's economic policies will be happy to pay for their hospital treatment once it's been franchised to private companies. Nigel's Britain will certainly be a more equal society with everyone paying the same flat rate of tax - 31%. Great news if you're a millionaire, not quite such fun for the average earner.

   But, hey, don't get sucked in by the politics of envy; join jolly Nigel for a refreshing pint and a fag and face up to the fact that, if you'd only aspired a little harder, you too could have been a rich man. At least you can draw comfort from your white skin and, if you're one of the two million public sector workers whose jobs have just been scrapped, apply to join the armed forces. With a budget which has been increased by 40% they've probably got room for you. And if they haven't, the thought of their three new aircraft carriers, fifty additional Lightning jets, and four new subs armed with American nuclear missiles will help stiffen Nigel's ability to entertain Marina once he's walked her home!


Update 9th May.

The link in the penultimate paragraph no longer takes you to Ukip's site. Maybe too many people were discovering just how dangerously naive their policies were.  However, clicking here will provide you with a summary of the policies I alluded to in the previous two paragraphs.

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